Losing someone or something we love can be among the most heartbreaking and challenging experiences life can throw our way. As a result it’s natural to want to find ways to cope and move forward. Unfortunately, some of the tactics we might instinctively use to deal with our grief can ultimately be counterproductive and harmful to our wellbeing. In this post, we’ll look at some common missteps to avoid when dealing with grief and loss.
Avoiding Your Emotions
One of the most common (and damaging) things people do when they are grieving is to try to ignore or suppress their feelings. This is understandable, as the emotions that come with grief can be incredibly intense and feeling them can be scary. However, suppressing your emotions can prevent you from processing your grief in a healthy way, ultimately leading to more pain and a prolonged healing process. Instead of trying to ignore or bury your feelings, give yourself space to experience them fully. Cry, talk about what you’re feeling, or find other ways to express your emotions.
Skipping the Support
In our culture, we often place a lot of emphasis on strength and self-reliance. While these qualities can be valuable, they can also lead us to believe that asking for help is a weakness. In fact, reaching out for support in times of grief can be one of the most important things you can do. This could mean seeking out a therapist or psychotherapist, joining a grief support group, or simply reaching out to friends and family members for comfort. Surrounding yourself with people who care about you and who can offer support and understanding can help you feel less alone and mitigate some of the pain of your loss.
Over-indulging in Substances
It’s not uncommon for people to turn to alcohol, drugs, or other substances when experiencing grief and loss. Unfortunately, while substances may provide temporary relief or a distraction from painful emotions, they won’t truly help you process your grief or move forward. In fact, excessive substance use can be damaging to your physical and mental health and increase your risk of developing substance abuse issues. It’s okay to have a drink or to use other substances sparingly, but be aware of the risks and avoid relying on substances as your primary coping mechanism.
Pushing Yourself too Hard
Grief takes time to heal from, and it’s essential to give yourself time and space to mourn. Although it can be tempting to try to “stay busy” in order to distract yourself from your grief, doing too much too soon can be counterproductive. Avoid pushing yourself too hard, and listen closely to what your body and mind are telling you. Be patient with yourself, and understand that everyone’s grieving process looks different.
Avoiding the Pain
Finally, it’s important to acknowledge that grief can be incredibly painful, and that this pain is a natural part of the healing process. Avoiding this pain can be tempting, but it can prevent you from truly processing what you’re experiencing. Instead, try to sit with your pain, even when it feels unbearable. Remember that your feelings won’t last forever, and that feeling your emotions is a crucial part of the healing process.
Dealing with grief and loss is a difficult process, and it’s natural to want to avoid feeling pain or to try to “push through” your emotions. However, by avoiding your emotions, skipping out on support, over-indulging in substances, pushing yourself too hard, and avoiding the pain, you may be hindering your healing process and extending your grieving period. By being aware of these common missteps, and putting effort into avoiding them, you can better support yourself as you move forward in your healing journey. Remember, there’s no “right” way to mourn, and everyone’s experience is unique. Take care of yourself, and seek help when you need it.
If you have any questions or would like to explore further, please book a free online appointment. Erin Lucas is a psychotherapist in Waterloo.
